VS. STAY CLEAN AND HEALTHY

You shouldn't do all drugs. You should never try meth or heroin. Their addictiveness is ruthless and will destroy your life. Cocaine is also not a good idea—it will turn you into a jackal with no sense of how you're coming across, and it will make you seem alert even while you're blackout drunk. Don't.

But weed? Anyone who tells you never to try weed is being ridiculous. Once you're 21, it's legal in this state, and there are ways to incorporate it productively into your life. Yes, it can make you stupid and interfere with your short-term memory, but it's also an organic product of the earth that has the capacity to make tedious things fun. Like going for a run. Or cleaning. Seriously! It's also a sex drug—it launches you into a fantasy realm and ups the pleasures of physical sensation. But don't ingest any right before you go to class, or before you sit down to do homework, or before you get behind the wheel of a car. Ever.

Mushrooms can be fun, although they're hallucinogens, so they should be done in moderation. Do a little and you'll find the fibers of your towels squirming around like sea creatures. Do a bunch and you'll find yourself trapped in apocalyptic waking nightmares for eight hours straight.

Molly, aka MDMA, aka Ecstasy, aka E, is the one synthetic drug I think it's probably okay to experiment with so long as you do it very sparingly. Like, once a year. Take Molly only with someone you wouldn't mind making out with and/or telling all your secrets to, because you will end up doing both. You will need the entire next day free to lie in bed and stare at the wall, because the comedown is intense. The "ecstatic" feeling it produces comes from squeezing all the serotonin out of your brain so there's nothing left. You'll feel depressed until your brain has a chance to catch up, which may take a day or two. Again: It's a synthetic drug, it's illegal, and it will make the everyday world seem drab by contrast. But with the right person, it can intensify intimacy and the pleasures of your senses.

Again, doing some drugs sometimes can be a positive experience. But don't make the mistake of making your life only about doing drugs.