To the narcissist who stole a baseball from my 10-month old baby boy during a Mariners game last month: I hope that every time Julio RodrĂguez steps to the plate during his decade of dominance in a Mariners uniform, a part of your soul is crushed by the shame you carry for stealing the ball that he so clearly tossed to my son, not to you.Â
My kid wonât remember the moment, but Iâm sure you will. Me and the worldâs cutest baby sat behind you the whole game. You turned around and smiled at him multiple times, and he smiled back. We were all having a great time, until RodrĂguez tossed me a baseball from the field. I dropped it because I had a 10-month old on my shoulders, and then you picked it up and claimed it as your own.Â
When you took those selfies with that baseball, did your iPhone autofocus on how ugly you are inside? I hope the sunscreen we so graciously let you use just innings earlier contains an ingredient that prints the phrase âI stole a baseball from a babyâ across your forehead. Fuck you. Go Mariners.Â
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