Steven Weissman



Imagine taking a baby to a Mariners game during a COVID surge.


"Me and the world’s cutest baby sat behind you the whole game."

The kid won't remember the baseball, and I hope won't pick up the bad grammar, either. Yikes!


@1: The Kingdome was demolished on March 26th 2000. Starting that year your Seattle Mariners began playing their home games in an outdoor stadium. The Mariners have not been to the playoffs in over 20 years so the only home games they come close to selling out are against the Blue Jays when the drunken Albertans come to town, this is scheduled for early July this year. The risk of getting Covid in an outdoor space that is not closely packed (and even if it close quarters its still impossibly low) is negligible.

TLDR: Need a place to get out of your house safely with a baby during a respiratory pandemic? Try a sparsely attended MLB game in Seattle!


Stupid narcissist meets narcissist. Trying to catch a baseball while you have a newborn is moronic.


@4: No, stealing a ball that was obviously meant for the baby is moronic.


Hi Karen - Don't bring a baby to a ball game, and your baby is only the world's cuties baby to you. Smiling at a baby at a ball game is like smiling at baby when you get on an airplane while you're thinking "Oh fuck." At least on a plane you can have some sympathy that the parents had to make the trip. Your just an ass and everyone around is thinking that. Leave your baby with someone if you want to come to a game.


@3 If the chances are so low, why has Covid been ravaging the team and stadium staff this season?


does a ten month old
know what a baseball
comin' to 'im's 'sposed
to Look like? would he've
even Caught it? kinda doubt-
ful Daddy-oh-noeses. were you well-
tissued? didja Glare. and omg he's Still there

but yeah
you shouldda
Arm-wrassled him
for it Daddy-oh no whinin'
post-whuppin' it's fucking Baseball

hope this is

it was
for Me.

oh and Loved the spray-on
suntan lotion with
the Swastikaed



Think fast! You should have tossed the baby to the man and while he's thinking WTF! you could have caught the ball. And if the dude kept the kid, well, priorities, right? But just so's you know, any ball that hits the deck is grabber's keepers. If he would've given the little tyke the ball, cool, but that's a man bites dog story. Happens, but not something to be expected. Move on or you'll be a psycho before the kid hits high school. Off to a good start, I'd say.


This is one of those perfect "I, Anonymous" columns where the author sounds like they might be terrible, but the rage is still viscerally satisfying. Well done.

Please wait...

Comments are closed.

Commenting on this item is available only to members of the site. You can sign in here or create an account here.

Add a comment

By posting this comment, you are agreeing to our Terms of Use.