When I write cloud wars Im not referring to these cloud wars.
When I write "cloud wars" I'm not referring to these cloud wars. Courtesy SeaFair

Stocks tumble as Trump threatens more tariffs against China: The big story of today is Trump's announcement that he will impose a 10 percent tariff on an additional $300 billion worth of Chinese imports next month, reports the New York Times. “Until such time as there is a deal, we’ll be taxing them,” said Trump. China is expected to hit us back with their own tariffs. Remember to buy those XBoxes while you can. And maybe move to Canada?

If you're fleeing the country, don't hire this pilot: I'm going back to trains. Oh God, this tweet:

I'm pretty sure this is how Launchpad McQuack landed his planes:

The pilot was apparently flying to work when: His engine stalled. (Also, who flies to work?here) The pilot declined to give further details because of a federal investigation, but more here from the Seattle Times.

Today's most frequently asked question: The answer is yes.

At least they're pretty: Maybe this is the year the Blue Angels finally blow our office down. Crossing my fingers because I love working from home.

"A white Seattle teacher told police she felt unsafe around a black fifth-grader who she says threatened her": Damn, that headline. More from Seattle Times's Dahlia Bazzaz here.

BREAKING: Rep. Will Hurd of Texas just announced he will not be seeking reelection. Hurd has been a rare vocal Republican critic of Trump.

We've reached that point: A majority of House Democrats now support an impeachment inquiry against Donald Trump. The symbolic threshold will put pressure on House Speaker Pelosi who is still skeptical of ITMFA. She is expected to make a statement sometime tonight or tomorrow morning.

THE CLOUD WARS CONTINUE: Microsoft and Amazon are in a fierce competition for a $10 billion cloud computing contract with the Pentagon and Trump is getting in the middle of it. The Pentagon put the contract on hold after Trump suggested today that the contest might have been rigged by the Pentagon to favor Amazon, reports Politico. Our new defense secretary, Mark Esper, is now reviewing the case for unfairness. Trump, who has beef with Amazon for very different reasons than Elizabeth Warren, isn't happy with Amazon's pick because he doesn't like the Washington Post companies competing against Amazon have lodged "tremendous complaints.”

More federal investigation of Amazon: This time it's the FBI, whose investigation shows that Amazon has been selling stolen goods on their site. Unsealed federal court documents showed today that a theft ring in Washington state "sold millions of dollars’ worth of stolen goods on Amazon.com in the past six years," according to AP. Involved in the theft ring were a pair of Amazon delivery drivers and two storefronts that pretended to be pawn shops. The storefronts would buy goods from shoplifters, ship these goods to Amazon warehouses, then sell them online. I wonder if that breastplate I recently ordered on Amazon was stolen. (Don't ask.)

One last note on Amazon: Sorry, I'm obsessed with Jeff Bezos, but remember Amazon Dash? Those buttons Amazon would send to your house that said "Play-Doh" or "Tide" or "Gun Oil Lube" (actually, not 100% sure if they had a Dash button for that brand) and you would tap the button to automatically reorder those items when you were running low? Because pulling up your smartphone and clicking three buttons was too much work? So you needed an emergency toilet paper Dash button next to your toilet for when you were almost out of wipes? Well, Amazon is killing those buttons and ending the Dash program. I'm happy about this because Dash buttons freaked me out. They were like IVs but for candy and paper towels.

Pelosi called Jared Kushner a "slumlord": I cackled. The comments came while Pelosi defended U.S. Rep. Elijah Cummings, who has been the new target of Trump's ongoing racist attacks against elected lawmakers. “The president—this comes as no surprise—really doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” Pelosi said. Then: "But maybe you could ask his son-in-law, who’s a slumlord there, if he wants to talk about rodent infestations." More here.

Trump is talking at a rally in Cincinnati as I type: Here's what's come out of it so far. First up, will he encourage that new "SEND HER BACK" chant? Well, he certainly won't stop it.

It's your typical Trump rally shitshow: The QAnoners are out.

No "Send Her Back" chants yet: But "Lock Her Up" refuses to die.