More gun violence: Last night, someone shot two teenage boys near the Pioneer Square light rail station at around 11:30 pm. The 18 year-old and 13 year-old victims were taken to Harborview to treat the gunshot wounds to their legs, KOMO reported. This latest episode of gun violence comes after a particularly rattling weekend in the U-District, which left several injured. But don't worry! All this will SURELY end the moment we implement Mayor Bruce Harrell's surveillance system, ShotSpotter! Which TOTALLY will prevent gun violence and not just help cops justify shooting civilians!!!

In other bad ideas: Following the aforementioned spat of gun violence in the U-District, KIRO 7 reported that the Seattle Police Department will add emphasis patrols to the neighborhood. I'm sure the students will love to have such a proven method of safety in their area! I always hear those kiddos saying cops make them feel safer!! Just in case my tone isn't coming across, I'm being silly-goofy. 

Bless the California transplants: If Angry Seattle is blaming the right people, then I would just like to say "thank you," just this one time, to the Californians who moved up north for bringing the sun with you. I don't have to remind you how many false starts to fall we've had this year, or how nice the weather is, but I will take every opportunity to be openly pro-sunshine, if only so that my constant whining in the winter makes more sense. Rounds out the bit that is my life.

At least one candidate for Senate knows how to operate Google Maps: Yesterday, Senator Patty Murray came to Seattle partly to hang out with State Sen. Joe Nguyen and King County Council Member Girmay Zahilay, but also to dunk on her opponent this election, Capitol Hill Seattle Blog reported.

ICYMI, last month Republican challenger Tiffany Smiley made a very dumb campaign ad about not being able to find a cup of coffee in Capitol Hill because crime closed down the Starbucks. First, Starbucks might have other intentions, according to the unions Starbucks busted in their bout of store closures. Second, you're probably never more than five minutes away from a cup of coffee in most areas in Seattle, but most certainly on Capitol Hill. Anyway, Murray illustrated just that by paying a visit to Analog Coffee, a local coffee shop just a few blocks from where Smiley felt helpless and uncaffeinated. 

PETE! No, not Davidson—Buttigieg! According to the Seattle Times, U.S. Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg will be in Washington state today. Unfortunately, you likely won't catch him struggling with our lack of bike lanes. He'll be at Wenatchee’s Apple Capital Loop to promo a project to improve traffic. Then he'll head to Issaquah Creek, where he will announce that area conservation departments can start applying for grants now that the U.S. government made available the first chunk of the $1 billion in total funding to replace fish-blocking road culverts. Woot woot!

D2 candidates: We've already started to hear rumors (from the fucking Mayor, lol) about who might run for city council next year. Well, now two people have officially thrown their names in the hat to replace Councilmember Tammy Morales in D2, according to the Seattle Ethics and Elections Commission website.

First, we have Chinatown resident, Dawn Lucas, who appears to be quoted in a FOX 13 article in which she criticizes Morales for ignoring her needs and allowing people to live on sidewalks, which makes it difficult for her to navigate the sidewalk in her wheelchair.

Next, we have Isaiah Willoughby, who filed for District 1 in the 2019 election, but who didn't do any campaigning. More recently, Willoughby got arrested and charged for an attempted arson of the East Precinct in 2020 during the CHOP/CHAZ era. I know some of you boot-lickers will shudder, but remember this man said he was roommates with Manuel Ellis when the Tacoma Police Department killed him. In sum, two very different candidates are after Morales's seat.

#WalkToAPark Day! Happy Walk to a Park Day! Seattle Parks and Recreation tweeted that it's proud to ensure that everyone in Seattle can walk to a park in 10 minutes. Hope that's 10 minutes on flat, even sidewalk without having to cross any dangerous roads! 

Human link for Mahsa Amini: Tomorrow, Iranian-Americans and other supporters will create a human link in solidarity with the women's movement in Iran, sparked by the killing of Mahsa Amini. The demonstrators will meet on the 520 bridge at 4 pm and march to UW campus for a vigil at 7 pm. For more information, check this post on Facebook. 

Woohoo, go Satan! The Satanic Temple wants you to have the freedom to choose, so it is suing Idaho in federal court for its evil, evil bans on like 50% of the population's bodies. We're more used to churches lobbying in SUPPORT of abortion bans, so this is a nice change of pace!

Sick orca: Whale advocates have fought for an orca named Tokitae (also known as Lolita, which I like less) to be returned from her aquarium in Florida, where she has lived in captivity for half a century, to Washington, where she was originally captured. Now that she has come down with a chronic infection, that might be a heavy lift, KING 5 reports. 

Ex-cop kills dozens of preschoolers: In the deadliest rampage in Thailand's history, a recently fired cop stormed into a preschool in Nongbua Lamphu, a town in Northeastern part of the country. He shot and killed 37, most of which were preschoolers. He went home to kill his wife, his child, and himself.

For your ears: