Guess what day it is: It’s SECB day, baby! That’s right. After months of bullying candidates, conducting wild goose chases to understand the most minute details of policy, and pulling our fucking hair out writing up the 12,000-word document, the Stranger Election Control Board has finally dropped endorsements for the November election. There’s a lot going on, so click here for the TL;DR of how to fill out your ballot. 

Another smoky day ahead:

A glimmer of hope: According to my favorite weather nerd, the winds are a changin’ and the air could start to clear up a little today. But don’t hold your breath (or actually, do?) because we likely won’t see any major improvements until Friday, when we get some surface wind and rain.

The origin story: So, what caused smoke-tober? Seattle Times reporter Isabella Breda takes readers inside the Bolt Creek Fire, burning west of the Cascades. In case you wanted to feel even worse, officials say the fire was caused by humans. So, if you make a mistake today, rest assured that it is not a mistake that risked a whole region’s lungs. 

If a gender reveal caused this... In other fire news, officials think that a firework or firearm started the Nakia Creek fire, which is currently burning up Southwestern Washington. This reminds me of when a pyrotechnic at this couple’s weird baby-genital ritual caused the El Dorado wildfire, which burned through over 20,000 acres, destroying five homes and 15 other buildings, and killing a firefighter. No word on whether this Washington fire has anything to do with the ardent belief in gender, but I thought I would take this opportunity to implore you to do your gender shit in the privacy of your own home. Or cut into a cake with food coloring, Jesus. 

And in case you needed a reminder: Wildfires are really bad! Aside from destroying homes and killing people and animals, it makes the air super unhealthy. KING 5 talked to medical experts about the risks of literally breathing air in the City right now. For some, the smoke will cause mild irritation such as itchy eyes or a headache, but for more vulnerable groups it can be much worse. If you have a heart or lung condition, or if you are an older adult, a child, or pregnant, experts say you are at higher risk, so exercise caution!

The Great Shakeout: Damn, this is a sorta heavy Slog AM. Sorry about that. Anyway! Today, we get to play pretend doomsday! At 10:20 am, The Washington Emergency Management Division will sound all the alarms: 120 tsunami sirens, NOAA Weather Radios alarm, and even a notification on your phone if you have the Earthquake Early Warning App. This will give Washingtonians a chance to duck and cover to practice for when an earthquake or tsunami hits the region. KOMO has the full story. 

Okay, one more natural disaster story: Washington Republicans have rallied around a write-in candidate for Secretary of State: State Rep. Brad Klippert, according to Crosscut. Klippert couldn’t make it through the primary because too many right-wingers wanted the spot and the vote got split up. But now, the Republicans have chosen their champion, and he is an anti-vaxxer, an anal-sex alarmist, and he wants to use the office to end vote-by-mail, which is a fucking disastrous policy that would only lead to voter disenfranchisement. But pop off, I guess. 

Cyberstalking cop: A Seattle Police Department cop trainee got charged with cyberstalking because a woman accused him of sending her harassing messages from multiple numbers and accounts after she went on a date with him last year and decided she wasn’t interested in going on another. Also, kind of concerning that the dude allegedly wanted to show her his firearm on the date. He’s on unpaid leave now until his criminal case and Office of Police Accountability investigation wrap up. 

Sumner sexual assault: In a lawsuit filed yesterday, a former Sumner High School basketball player accused his head coach of sexual assault and exploitation. The accuser described the coach as the “gatekeeper” of college basketball dreams, allegedly using that power to force the student into sexual situations. The Seattle Times has the full story.  

What to do today: If you’re a Starbucks Iced Brown Sugar Oat Milk Shaken Espresso fiend, then Jas Keimig has the perfect replacement, so you can enjoy the drink without the guilt of supporting an evil, union-busting company! Try the Shakerato at Broadcast Coffee. I’ll let Jas tell you more

ICYMI: On Friday, the County made a surprise decision to cancel the expansion of the SODO Services Hub. King County Executive Dow Constantine said the cancellation was an acknowledgement of “competing tensions,” which refers to the protesters who didn’t want the shelter and the homelessness crisis that requires it. Unfortunately, the decision did not please anyone; not the protesters and not the people living at the SODO Services Hub. Here’s the story

Prime Minister Liz Truss resigns: As Boris Johnson once said, “Thems the breaks.”

Putting just random fucking Tik Tok music because music will be forever changed tonight at 12 am EST. The Swifties get it: