Housing is a human right, just not here. The Magnolia Millionaires have weighed in, and they are APPALLED at the notion that they might someday have to live near POORS. That’s according to the Magnolia Community Council, which purports to be in favor of density, affordable housing, new neighbors, and urban forests, but they are also strongly opposed to missing-middle housing. Well which is it, moneybags? How are you going to get those things without building more homes? Oh wait, is this your way of summoning Ewoks?

“Look at us now!” The Screen Actors Guild awards were this weekend. Here’s a list of award recipients, and here’s the best speech of the evening, from the amazing James Hong. I’m really looking forward to EEAAO sweeping the Oscars:

I guess Angela Bassett really did do the thing. Other awards shows this weekend were the NAACP Image Awards (which had a fun moment with Angela) and the Producers Guild Awards, which recognized the Weird Al bi-faux-pic among others.

There’s huge disparity in infant mortality here. In King County, researchers found that infants born to Black parents are twice as likely to die in their first year as those born to white parents, and the children of Native American parents are three times more likely to die. Causes include economic disparity, government services that are not culturally appropriate, and parental stress caused by systemic inequality.

Whose streets? The City has commenced the ripping-up and revamping of Pike and Pine, a project that will take until August-ish of 2024, according to the Waterfront’s updated-when-we-feel-like-it project website. They’ve posted a flyer indicating that the current work zone on Pike from 4th to 6th will be complete in three weeks, and previous estimates guessed that overall work on the entire project from the Market up to Bellevue Ave would take around 18 months (though work was previously scheduled to start in fall of 2022, so who knows). It’s anyone’s guess exactly what they’re building, since the most recent design documents are from over a year ago and provide none of the usual specifics that normal SDOT project pages have. Also, the City’s bike route detour around the two blocks of construction is currently a mile long. Great job all around!

Oh cool, the treatment for my disorder that makes it difficult to organize tasks is soon going to require additional task-organization. The Drug Enforcement Administration is considering ways to make it harder to get treatment for conditions like ADHD, requiring more in-person visits for substances like Adderall, as well as Xanax, Vicodin, and others. While it’s true that prescription drug abuse is a huge problem, I’m not sure how adding an inconvenient office visit is going to solve that. 

Another normal, bloody couple of days. Two people died in a car crash on I-5 this weekend. Over the last week, a driver died in a crash between a car and truck on West Valley Highway in Auburn, a Centralia woman died in a crash on US Highway 51, and a man died after driving the wrong way on Route 510 and crashing into another car. Last weekend, a college student died in a rollover on I-90 near Ritzville, WA. Big thanks to WSDOT for addressing the state’s housing crisis by reducing the number of people who need a place to live.

Does anybody know what’s going on with Jerry? The delightful Zach Zimmerman was in town doing a comedy show last week when an absolutely appalling audience-member decided to butt in, and that was only the start of their bad behavior! If you know what’s up with Jerry and Susan please get in touch, I would love to know what their deal is.

NOW a suspension? Hundreds of newspapers are dropping Dilbert from the funny pages after creator Scott Adams went on yet another one of his tedious conspiracy-theory rants, this time describing all Black people as “a hate group.” Yup, that’s pretty bad! But also, he’s been awful for literally years. How are these editors only just now getting around to noticing? Don’t they read the newspaper?

Speaking of greedy companies and chemicals… Dow Inc claimed that it was running a recycling program for old shoes. Surprise! The shoes wound up getting illegally shipped all over Asia before winding up for sale in various markets. It’s a reminder of the time that Dow claimed to have a program that turned plastic waste into clean fuel in Idaho, and the program turned out to just be burning the plastic in a cement factory.

Have you seen Animal Control? Apparently it’s a new single-camera sitcom set in Seattle, and it is the most-streamed scripted show on Fox? Huh!

My guess on Norfolk Southern’s next pivot: those fish were jerks and had it coming. The initial estimate was that the Ohio train derailment killed 3,500 aquatic animals. Now they’ve revised the estimate to 43,700 animals. So, when will the waterways be cleaned up? “Won’t be quick,” officials say.

Ow. This weird little AI-generated video is remarkable to me because it is exactly what it looks like when I have a migraine. Objects moving uncontrollably, impossible to discern the distance from the floor, shapes that appear and disappear, boundaries between objects constantly changing. I’d probably enjoy it if not for the pain! Just like life.

So long! This is my last week at The Stranger. I'm heading out to do more writing about movie and TV history, creating videos about pop culture, and oh yeah releasing a book about the history of queer characters on sitcoms. If that's your thing, you know where to find me! [Eds note: Bon voyage, Matt! I will miss you and your jokes and your curiosity and your antipathy for car culture and your unwavering commitment to the health and safety of the community 😭😭😭.]