You've probably never heard of them: Bumbershoot is trying to recapture its roots in its 2023 lineup, and they kind of nailed it, according to The Stranger's Megan Seling. Sleater-Kinney, Brittany Howard, and Band of Horses rank among the "Oh, thems." The Screaming Females and Bomba Estéreo fall into the "who?" category for me. I got a parking ticket yesterday, and a single-day pass to Bumbershoot now is only about $20 more than the ticket. In this time of customizable Dick's cheeseburgers and $44 parking tickets, honestly, the new "affordable" Bumbershoot is welcome.  

Washington hospitals lose another $500 million in 2022: But most importantly, Washington hospitals get 60% to 80% of their funding from government programs like Medicare and Medicaid, according to an article in the Seattle Times. Keep that tidbit handy the next time someone argues about Medicare for all. We. Are. Already. SPENDING. THE. MONEY. 

Shooting on Eighth Avenue: Last night, police say a 41-year-old woman went to the hospital with a gunshot wound to the head, but the injury wasn't life-threatening. Cops later arrested a 36-year-old woman who they believed to be related to the shooting. She was booked on charges of assault and unlawful possession of a firearm.

Don't fear the foam folks: The foam firefighters used to staunch the fire on Lake Union is biodegradable. I know. You saw the white smoke. You read yesterday's Slog AM and knew it was a boat-storage facility on fire. Maybe you heard someone was accused of setting the fire, according to the Seattle Times. And you—my beautiful, geometric glasses-wearing, oat milk-cortado-drinking Seattlite—you asked: "But is the foam safe?"

Yes. It is.

 💭 👀👀👀👀

Stop it. It's safe.

💭 👀

Harsher penalties for sexually abusive prison guards: The Washington State Legislature passed a bill to increase penalties for Washington jail and prison guards who sexually abuse incarcerated people, according to KING 5. Kimberly Bender’s Law is named after a Quileute woman who died by suicide in her Forks jail cell after reporting a guard, John Gray, sexually harassed her. Investigators believed Bender and fired Gray, but could not prove what happened, according to a Seattle Times story. Gray was later sentenced to 20 months in prison for sexually assaulting four other women at the Forks City Jail.

The M's came to play: With opening day a week away, the Mariners beat the Dodgers 5-1 Wednesday night, reports the Seattle Times. Julio was looking good. George Kirby was pitching straight fire. Even if you don't like sports, just know the Dodgers are like the Android user in the group chat of Major League Baseball. Last night was a beautiful W.

Also, Nathalie and I didn't plan this, but, I guess LA fans can expect UnReLeNTiNG abuse from the Slog moving forward. Fuck the Angels. Fuck the Dodgers. Rams, you're cool, but FuCk YoU LaKeRS.

LFG! NCAA comes to Seattle: We've got to show these teams a better time than Greenville, SC, the other place hosting some March Madness games. The Seattle Times has got all the times and dates and stuff for the actual games.

But here is the most important thing to know: I love March Madness.

In 2018, a guy in my news editing class said watching women play sports isn't as exciting as watching men. And then this game happened between UCONN and Notre Dame:

Also, I won both my brackets that year. 

Karma is March Madness.

Piss off bosses: The Washington State House of Representatives voted a bill out of committee this week that would prevent most employers from rejecting a job applicant just because they tested positive for cannabis in a pre-employment drug test, according to the Marijuana Moment. The bill already passed the Senate, but it will need to pass the full house and get Inslee's signature to become law.

Proponents of the bill said people sometimes don't apply for jobs out of fear they'll fail a drug test.

Honestly, the stuff we let companies get away with sometimes. Piss in a cup. Write the Slog. Don't change people's bylines to "Big Dummy."

Arizona says, "Killing is wrong." At least the way they're doing it: The Arizona Supreme Court ruled state law doesn't require Democratic Gov. Katie Hobbs to carry out an April 6 execution of a man convicted of murder, according to the Associated Press. Hobbs's attorneys argued the state literally doesn't know how to do it. A top corrections official said the department doesn't have enough documentation to understand "key elements of the execution process" and "would have to piece it together."

Trump wasn't arrested, check the nostrils: For how fast people report AI-generated art on Subreddits, you'd think we'd be better at this by now. A guy made an AI-generated image of the feds arresting Trump and the post's view count climbed. My favorite thing about this is the guy who did it runs Bellingcat. Which is great at debunking stuff. And honestly, everyone should check them out.

Judge halts Wyoming's abortion ban: And moments later, a 22-year-old woman was arrested for trying to set fire to the building meant to house Wyoming's only full-service abortion clinic. But back to the ban. Wyoming's state constitution says adults can make their own health care decisions. So, classic politician move, Wyoming Republican lawmakers tried to say abortion isn't health care, according to Associated Press. Even they must have known that was going to be a stretch of an argument. The pause on the abortion ban will last at least two weeks. But much like a nightmarish mob of brave little toasters, I doubt these Wyoming Republicans are done. 

This morning I'm leaving you with: Glass Animals' "Tangerine" feat. Arlo Parks. I honestly didn't know I could love this song more. But cool people can sometimes introduce you to cool music. That isn't how I found this song. I found it on my own. And I'm gifting it to you all. So open your maws, my pretties: