Sound Transit is so unserious: Get this. The light rail will experience severe delays for two weeks because of a clock-related construction snafu. Crews working to remove a clock on the street above the downtown Westlake Center station damaged the station's roof. As they make those repairs, Sound Transit will single-track trains through the tunnel every 30 minutes. This means "northbound platforms at Westlake, University Street, Pioneer Square, and International District stations are closed," while the southbound platforms are open. The whole thing is a confusing nightmare. Transit riders should expect to factor a shuttle bus into their light rail commute for the next two weeks. Read up more on what your light rail commute will look like here.

Crisis Care Centers levy passes: Voters approved the nearly $1.25 billion levy which will add more walk-in 24-hour crisis care centers and wages to support more mental health care staff. As of Thursday, the levy passed with over 56.6% of the vote. 

Arrivederci, little Vivace: After celebrating its 35th anniversary last week, Espresso Vivace Sidewalk Bar is  shutting down. The owner hasn't confirmed the Broadway Ave staple's impending doom, but blabbermouth baristas tipped off customers so much so that Vanishing Seattle already wrote the obituary, according to our good pals at the Capitol Hill Seattle Blog.

A tulip turf war: The annual tulip festival has always been a source of drama in Mount Vernon. Ask any local. Now, some of that drama has risen to the froth of the mainstream. In short, a new farm this year, Tulip Valley Farms, opened 900 feet away from 40-year-mainstay Tulip Town. The owner of Tulip Valley Farms actually used to work at Tulip Town and was a co-owner before his partners fired and then sued him because he was secretly starting a rival farm. It's now a whole thing. Who needs the War of the Roses when you can have the Tiff of the Tulips? 

Seattle's viaduct replacement to open on May 1: The ugly new Alaskan Way highway is opening soon, carving up our waterfront in the same way the old Viaduct did. We were doing just fine without the highway for years while it was under construction. Do we really need it and that useless tunnel? I'd like a park instead. Or a nice cobblestoned pedestrian zone. 

Gig Harbor businessman stormed the Capitol: A jury found Bremerton's David Charles Rhine guilty of four misdemeanor crimes related to the Jan 6 insurrection. Rhine's phone data plus surveillance video put him at the scene. According to the camera and witness accounts, Rhine entered the Capitol carrying cowbells and a blue flag with white stars. An officer stopped and searched him, finding knives and pepper spray on his person, cuffed him, and told him to leave. After another person removed his cuffs, Rhine left the building. 

Sweet, sweet, schadenfreude: According to a statement from the U.S. Attorney’s Office for the District of Columbia, "more than 1,000 individuals have been arrested in nearly all 50 states for crimes related to the breach of the U.S. Capitol.”

Six-week abortion ban fails in Nebraska: Nebraska will still permit abortions until 20 weeks of pregnancy after a bill banning abortions after six weeks failed to advance past a filibuster in the State Legislature. Republicans fell one vote short of ending the filibuster. That bill-defying vote came from Sen. Merv Riepe, a co-signer of the bill. Riepe abstained after he considered women might not have enough time to even know they were pregnant under a six-week ban. Out of the other side of his mouth, Riepe warned his colleagues that the bill would "galvanize women to vote them out of office." 

Mike Pence talks: Or, so we assume. Yesterday, the former veep appeared before a grand jury hearing evidence on Donald Trump's attempts to overthrow the 2020 election. Pence spent over five hours behind closed doors. We can only speculate about what hot goss bubbled out of him, what sort of tea he spilt, or the degrees of shade he cast.

It'll actually be hot today: Temps will soar to the upper 70s today. Rejoice! Dust off the grill. Actually, I think a city ordinance mandates barbecues on days like today, so, really, you better find your tongs. 

Big news for bilingual brains: Bilingualism may stave off dementia, a new study purports. Yes, it's sexy to know two languages fluently, but it also boosts skills such as learning, memory, multi-tasking, emotion management, and self-control. Those skills can be crucial in preventing dementia. 

Finally, progress: "At the CEO level, women finally outnumber men named John"

Republicans want to leave Washington: The Seattle Times' FYI Guy's newest column shows around 51% of Washington residents would leave the state if they could and 39% said the quality of life is worth the cost of living. The majority of people who want to leave—68% of those surveyed—are Republicans. Democrats are pretty content here.

Hero seventh-grader stops bus crash: A Michigan boy reacted quickly when his bus driver passed out and the bus filled with 66 kids started to veer into oncoming traffic. He rushed to the wheel from five rows back, pumped the brakes, and guided the bus to a halt. 

To even things out, here's a tragic kid story: Five staffers at a suburban Indianapolis school face charges of neglect or failure to report neglect after a teacher told a seven-year-old special education student if he threw up during lunch he'd have to eat it. When he did throw up, the kid's instructional aide handed him a spoon. The boy then ate some of his vomit. 

[Eds note: To rinse that image from your mind, here's Jai Paul's "Str8 Outta Mumbai." The shy British postmodern funk singer broke out of his shell recently with live performances in California and New York, and we must do all we can to encourage him.]