Uh, did Ukraine just attempt to assassinate Putin? Russia certainly thinks so! Yesterday, the Russian government accused Ukraine of launching a drone strike on the Kremlin, which is the official residence of President Vladimir Putin. The Ukrainian government denies the accusation: “Ukraine uses all means at its disposal to free its own territory, not to attack others.” Russia doesn’t buy it, and now the deputy head of Russia’s Security Council says the attack “leaves us no option but to physically eliminate Zelensky and his clique.”  Today, Russia also accused the United States of orchestrating the attack. The U.S. denied the allegations, too.

Forecast: It is almost that time of year where you don't have to check the weather before you make plans. ALMOST. While yesterday's weather was A+, perfect, no notes, today won't wow you nearly as much. Temperatures will reach the mid to upper 50s, but don't get your hopes up for any sunshine. And maybe wear a jacket with a hood. We might get a few raindrops before Friday, when the precipitation really gets precipitating.

CANCELED. Maybe: Environmentalists may have scored a W on this one, boys. A U.S. judge in Seattle ordered the National Marine Fisheries Service to rewrite its “biological opinion,” which could cancel both the winter and summer commercial king salmon trolling seasons in southeast Alaska.

“Biological opinion” sounds like something Ben Shapiro would say, but it's actually a document the Fisheries Service uses to give its take on whether or not a fishing will destroy an ecosystem or whatever in a given season. The fishing industry hopes to get the new biological opinion ready in time to reinstate the summer season, which begins July 1. The guys with the boats say that if they can’t fish, then it will be a huge economic disaster. Environmentalists say if the guys with the boats do fish, then they will further devastate the already fragile whale population that survives by eating salmon.

They got Proud Boy leader Enrique Tarrio on seditious conspiracy: A judge found three other Proud Boys guilty of the same crime, too. 

Election news: Washington State Senator Patty Kuderer announced she will run for Insurance Commissioner. I know. Who's Patty Kuderer? What the fuck is an Insurance Commissioner? Why should I care? Rich Smith can answer all those questions right here. Just click!

Seattle Public Schools' Declassified Financial Crisis Survival Guide: The school district projects a $53.4 million budget shortfall during the 2024-25 school year. According to the Seattle Times, the district plans to cut staff, increase class sizes, and decrease bus services to balance the budget.

This is just like Lemonade Mouth: Anticipating budget cuts, Seattle band kids are begging Seattle Public Schools to keep their music program intact. According to KOMO, the district plans to cut music staff at Washington Middle School in half next year. 

Bruh: The Attorney General's Office got hit with a hefty fine for withholding evidence in a lawsuit, which a judge described as “egregious” and “cavalier.” So far, taxpayers are on the hook for $200,000, but that number will only get bigger because the judge ordered the AG's office to pay for the plaintiff's lawyer. We'll see how that $500 an hour rate stacks up after the lawyer sifts through the 100,000 pages of withheld records the AG just handed over. I'm sure Governor-curious AG Bob Ferguson will hear about this one on his "exploratory campaign."

Alexa, play “No Body, No Crime” by Taylor Swift featuring HAIM: Washington State Ferries found out why the ferry Walla Walla grounded on Bainbridge Island. The culprit, as David Kroman called it in the Seattle Times, was contaminated fuel. Now to find out where that bad fuel came from. 

Nice: The Kent City Council voted unanimously on Tuesday to make drug possession a gross misdemeanor. This comes after the State Legislature failed to come to a compromise on drug possession laws by the deadline last month. The lawmakers will return for a special session on May 16, but if they can’t get their shit together by July 1, then cities will get to come up with their own rules, and cities like Kent will have a field day criminalizing drugs, paraphernalia, and public use. Or, the State could just follow in the footstep of these jail-happy suburbs and make drug possession a gross misdemeanor!

Justice for Jordan Neely: People are protesting inside the New York subway system as anger mounts over a white veteran putting a homeless Black man in a chokehold and killing him on the subway earlier this week. Cops put at least three protesters in handcuffs, according to the New York Daily News.

On the run: Atlanta cops arrested a shooter who killed a woman and wounded four others, but it wasn’t easy. The cops spent nearly eights hours chasing after the 24-year-old suspect before they found him at a condo complex about 10 miles north of the scene of the crime. CNN has more.

Oh, Clarence: ProPublica found even more secret financial gifts Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas accepted from billionaire real estate tycoon Harlan Crow. Bank statements show that Crow paid for the private school tuition of Thomas's grandnephew, who Thomas raised like a son. It's unclear how much Crow spent on tuition, but it's at least $6,000 and possibly up to $150,000. Another super weird, unethical thing to do, Clarence! For shame!

She’s got a point: As much as I love seeing Anne Hathaway looking hot-hot in a masterpiece of tweed and safety pins on a weekday, it should be acknowledged that the Met Gala paid tribute to an awful, awful person this year, Chanel’s revitalizing designer, Karl Lagerfeld. Good Place TV-star and somewhat cringe internet activist Jameela Jamil called out so-called feminists for celebrating a man who was “so publicly cruel to women, to fat people, to immigrants” and disparaged women during the #MeToo movement. 

In personal news: I'm dying my hair red again today. Should I change my lil profile pic on the blog? I think the change is permanent...

For your ears: My friend said he likes this song. I did not listen to it yet. Let me know if I should! [Eds note: Lol.