Bezos bids adieu: Jeff Bezos is really truly fucking off to Miami. He put one of his four Washington properties on the market. The house he's selling, a 4,300-square-foot, five-bedroom home in the Eastside's Yarrow Point neighborhood, is on the market for $4.4 million. Allegedly, this house is one of Bezos's smaller homes and is where his "staff, security, and chefs" lived, according to the Seattle Times

Something fishy on the shores of Japan: Like, really fishy. The beaches in Hakodate, Japan's northernmost main island of Hokkaido, appeared covered in thousands of dead sardines (and some mackerel) Friday. Nobody knows why. One Hakodate Fisheries Research Institute researcher believes the phenomena could be a result of the fish being chased by a larger fish, growing exhausted from lack of oxygen, and washing ashore with the waves. 

Chillier and drier: The rain showers should taper off by Friday morning in Seattle. We'll see temps in the 40s and maybe a ray or two of sun. Don't worry, fellow rain lovers, a "vigorous system" comes into play Saturday. Oh, and good news for all you ski bums, there will be lots of mountain snow.

New blood lab: Apparently, it takes 341 days on average to complete blood toxicology reports from suspected driving under the influence (DUI) cases in Washington state. Ten years ago, those reports only took two to three months. With a rising population, an increase in impaired drivers, and short staff at toxicology labs, it's a bad situation for everyone involved. A new $4.5 million toxicology lab in Federal Way should speed the process up and dole out consequences for bad actors and letting innocent people off the hook faster. 

It's a bad time on the roads: More blood reports won't solve the bigger problem at play here. Traffic deaths are up, up, up. Last year Washington recorded "more than 740 traffic deaths ... the most since 1990. Half of the deaths involved an impaired driver," according to the Seattle Times. Apparently, a rising number of traffic deaths involve drivers impaired by a mix of alcohol and drugs. Yikes. Please, don't smoke and drive; don't drink and drive; and certainly don't drive while cross-faded, you selfish idiots. Lawmakers may consider lowering the legal blood alcohol limit from 0.08 to 0.05. 

Monroe man caught in flood waters: Chris Robl was swept into the flood-fueled surge of the Snohomish River while in a boat without a motor or a rudder. He called 911 from the swift-moving out-of-control boat. The waters carried him five miles. Rescue crews chased him down the river, using a drone to find his heat signature in the dark of night. The crews shut down a portion of Highway 522 and tossed him a rescue line. Robl fell out of the boat trying to catch the line and plunged into the waters. Rescue swimmers swam toward Robl, locating him by his screams for help, and pulled him to safety. 

Woman goes to court to beg for abortion: A Texas woman who is 20 weeks pregnant with a fetus diagnosed with "trisomy 18, a genetic abnormality that usually results in miscarriage, stillbirth or death soon after birth" begged a court to allow her an abortion. Carrying this doomed pregnancy to term would necessitate her third Caesarian section and jeopardize her ability to have more children. A judge granted the woman a temporary restraining order against the state's enforcement of its near-total abortion ban. Despite the order, Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton threatened to prosecute any doctors who helped the woman with the abortion. 

It's impossible to discipline cops: An arbitrator ruled a 2017 police firing was wrong and that to cop—who was fired for using excessive force when she shot 11 rounds at a stolen vehicle and failed to de-escalate the situation—should receive $600,000 from the city in lost wages. This practice of binding arbitration, which is a condition often baked into collectively bargained contracts, undermines any sort of police accountability. Mayor Bruce Harrell is heated about the whole thing. When arbitrators rule against discipline decisions, Harrell said, "Our accountability system is undermined and public trust is eroded."

Here's a horrible video for you: I like when people turn their weddings into horrific little talent shows. 

Russia buys propaganda on Cameo: Russia asked US actors on the app Cameo to make anti-Ukraine propaganda, according to BBC. The app allows people to pay users, who are often celebrities, for customized video messages. Some Russian propagandists requested several actors to make messages to someone named "Vladimir" to get help with substance abuse problems. Elijah Wood made one of these videos saying, "I hope you get the help that you need. Lots of love, Vladimir, take care." The goal was to spread falsehoods about Ukraine President Volodomyr Zelensky on social media. Wood's team said his video "was in no way intended to be addressed to Zelensky or have anything at all to do with Russia or Ukraine or the war." Other celebrities who fell prey to this are Priscilla Presley, Breaking Bad's Dean Norris, The Office's Kate Flannery, and Scrubs star John C. McGinley.

Hey, look, jobs: Employers added 199,000 jobs in November and unemployment fell to 3.7%. No recession yet!

More charges for Hunter: A federal grand jury charged Hunter Biden with "three counts each of evasion of a tax assessment, failure to file and pay taxes, and filing a false or fraudulent tax return," reports the New York Times. This is now the second indictment for Hunter this year. The optics aren't great for his dear old dad, President Joe Biden. The new charges may add fuel to a Republican-lead impeachment inquiry. 

Dictator only on day one: How bad could a second Donald Trump term be? Well. Sean Hannity brought his pal Trump onto his show to assure the American people Trump wouldn't "abuse power or seek retribution." “Except for day one,” Trump said. “I want to close the border, and I want to drill, drill, drill.” Then, later, he re-enacted the exchange. From the Associated Press: “We love this guy,” Trump said of Hannity. “He says, ‘You’re not going to be a dictator, are you?’ I said: ‘No, no, no, other than day one. We’re closing the border, and we’re drilling, drilling, drilling. After that, I’m not a dictator.’”

A song for your Friday: