You wanna be on the school board? Well, then you're going to need to make sure you actually live within the district you were elected to represent. Two Seattle School Board Directors, Vivian Song (area 4) and Lisa Rivera (area 2), resigned earlier this week after news came out that they no longer lived in their designated districts. You can't do that! Applications to fill their vacant positions will open after the regular Board meeting on Wednesday. 

ICYMI: The Liquor and Cannabis Board doesn't like when queer people yell at them for being prejudiced. After causing a whole stink over a little nip and some barely-covered taint and balls in the presence of alcohol at local gay bars, the LCB received a whole bunch of backlash. Now, the board "has paused enforcement of its lewd conduct rules." The Stranger's Vivian McCall has more here

Teens arrested for alleged targeted hit-and-runs: Police arrested a 13-year-old girl and a 15-year-old boy on suspicion that they were in a car that intentionally targeted and hit pedestrians along Aurora Avenue in November. They were arrested for "assault, possession of a stolen vehicle, and hit-and-run," KIRO 7 reports

Tesla is dumb: Listen, Teslas are only cool because they made EVs trendy, which is good for the environment (even if EVs are a bandaid solution and things like frequent and dependable public transportation would help reduce climate emissions more). But, Teslas are so shitty. Don't believe me? The company just recalled 2.2 million cars—nearly all the Teslas in the US—because it made warning lights on the instrument panel too small. Back in December, there was a similarly wide-ranging recall over software that didn't ensure drivers using autopilot (which is a whole other can of worms) were actually paying attention.

He has spoken: Punxsutawney Phil did not see his shadow today. Thus, the groundhog has decreed it will be an early spring this year. Uh, yeah, Phil. It's an El Niño year in the midst of a climate crisis. This mild winter is holding on for dear life already. 

Californians drowning: Atmospheric rivers are pounding Los Angeles County as we speak. This week and next week, up to 10.2 inches of rain are expected in some parts of the county. The city of LA will get 5.9 inches alone. This rain across a two-week period will deliver more rain than the city saw in all of 2020-21. With rain in a notoriously dry region comes the risk of mudslides and flooding. 

Heads up, Bellevue commuters: A water main break has closed a stretch of Bellevue Way between Southeast Eighth Street and Southeast 10th Street.

Machines fail the one job they had to do: According to the Food and Drug Administration, the CPAP machines at the center of a recall from the manufacturer Phillips are connected to 561 deaths. The devices, which people with sleep apnea and other breathing disorders depend on to live through the night, reportedly blew "gas and pieces of foam" into users' airways, according to 116,000 reports made to the FDA. In a $479 million settlement, Phillips agreed to stop selling the machine in the US. 

More jobs in Jan: Last month, US employers added 353,000 jobs. The unemployment rate stayed at around 3.7%. 

You simply gotta hand it to them: Graffiti artists tagged nearly every floor of a 27-floor downtown LA development. The buildings are part of a $1 billion project that has been stalled since 2019. That's a lot of unused housing potential in a city where over 46,000 people live without homes. Though, that luxury project was never going to house them, was it? I think the art looks cool. 

Florida House passes bill relaxing child labor laws: The bill lets 16- and 17-year-old workers work longer and later hours. Opponents of the bill view it as exploiting children. Supporters think it will help children build their careers and that it will help fix an ongoing labor shortage. Despite that labor shortage, last year, Florida enacted a law that makes it more difficult for employers to hire immigrants who are in the country illegally. 

Could a giant space umbrella solve all our problems? Instead of relying on countries around the world to reduce carbon footprints, fossil fuel use, and emissions in the face of climate-change-caused disaster, some scientists are seriously considering a different way to stave off our imminent demises. A once-fringe idea is gaining momentum: throwing up a solar shield. Scientists are mulling over the idea of putting a giant space umbrella in-between the sun and earth to block out a small—but crucial—amount of solar radiation. Please... can we just build a high speed rail network and tell oil companies to fuck off instead of launching a space umbrella in-between us and the sun?

Fine, I'll watch the new season of Curb Your Enthusiasm: Larry David choked out Elmo live on the Today! Show and then retorted, "Someone had to do it," when a host told him he'd "gone too far this time." 

Three dead after Florida plane crash: A small plane crashed into a Clearwater, Florida, mobile home park Thursday evening, setting fire to several homes, and killing three people. 

Please stop shooting at cars: There have been seven freeway shootings in King County this year. There has only been one month in the year. Stop shooting at cars, you freaks! 

A recommendation for your Friday Groundhog Day: There's a very loosely Groundhog Day-themed concert at Nectar Lounge tonight in Fremont. Local psychedelic rock band The Whags will be performing. They're  groovy and Grateful Dead-y. Doesn't that scream Groundhog Day?