Let’s check in with the economy: Sure! We saw increases in average wages, but we also saw increases in the cost of living. Boo. We’re still poor. The Seattle Times will tell you that with some very nice graphics!

Car drives into tent: Tacoma cops arrested someone who drove off the road and into a tent, injuring two people. KOMO provided little detail, but if it turns out that the driver intended to run over the tent, then you can blame the Seattle is Dying crowd and the regional anti-homelessness propaganda. Sad. 

Prepare for some delays on the road this weekend:

Even more: Capitol Hill Seattle Blog reported even more weekend construction slowing down Seattle freeways. 

Looking for love? A new study says you’re in the right place. An analysis by Zillow named Seattle the eighth best city for singles to move to. The analysis looked at population singles, available rental units, and rent affordability. We must have a fuck-ton of singles or just a bunch of polyamory to offset that other shit. Perhaps the study should have considered the quality of singles and not just the quantity. I’ve been to Seattle Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge. Not great. 

Important notice: It seems like we are finally settling into summer. So, when it gets hot, Crosscut explains how to stay cool without air conditioning. 

Shakespeare: Shakespeare in the Park starts this weekend. I am a big fan of people goofing off in a park in costume. Last year I saw The Tempest (maybe? I don’t remember) and it was wonderful. Tonight at 7 pm, you can catch Much Ado About Nothing at High Point Commons, Henry V at Seward Park Amphitheater, and Pericles, Prince of Tyre at Volunteer Park. 

ICYMI: Someone should buy me some of Nikita Ares’s art lol.

Elon and Twitter break up: Elon Musk, a hero to Tech Bro virgins across the country, walked away from his $44 billion deal to buy Twitter. Let the litigation begin. 

Plague 2.0: The New York Times asked some doctors about the US’s response to monkeypox, and so far it’s not looking great for us. Too bad we have no recent public health crises to look to for guidance. A pity. 

At least we got Joe: You know, COVID-19 was such a huge disaster because of Trump. As we all know, the Republicans are the only party that hate the working class. (Twitter lefties, I am begging you to read the right tone here). Now that we have good ole Joe, monkeypox should be a cinch! If only he bothered to get 1 million doses of the vaccine from Denmark… 

Fuck Joe Biden Part II: Also his (very late) remarks about abortion today made me want to stick a needle in my ovary. He begrudgingly signed an executive order to try to spare women from some of the penalties people might face seeking abortions, but he said he can’t restore abortion rights. To do that, he suggests we “vote, vote, vote, vote.” This is a pretty remarkable, original suggestion. I’ve tried voting, but I have never tried to “vote, vote, vote, vote.” Watch out for an in-depth story on how to commit voter fraud to get abortion back.   

Use protection, I guess: Right now, the responsibility for contraceptives falls unfairly on people with wombs. Not cool. UW researchers have led the charge on creating an effective male birth control for 50 years. With increased interest, one researcher said it will be another five to seven years before they have something ready. In the meantime, here's your reminder that vasectomies are free for all Washingtonians with health insurance.

Amber Heard's lawyer demands mistrial: The lawyer claims that the wrong person responded to a jury summons. The state meant to summon a 77-year-old residing at a certain address and not the 52-year-old who replied, according to an exclusive from Deadline

No shit: Jan 6 House committee just saw evidence of firearms in the Jan. 6 crowd. Bro. These dudes (allegedly, in a video game) wanted to hang the Vice President. No shit. 

Mistaken identity: Some internet trolls joked about the former Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe assassination, and somehow it led to a news outlet in Greece misidentifying the assassin as a famous game developer. 

Ending the week with an incredible tweet: