What to do this weekend: If you were lucky enough to catch Jas on the radio today, then you already know most of the cool things to in Seattle, but it's nice to have it all written down right? And on Instagram, where most of you fuckers read The Stranger. (Visit our website, I’m begging. The news blog is a dying medium.) But anyway! I took a look at EverOut’s handy-dandy list of cheap events this week and boy are there some winners. Tomorrow you can catch a pet costume parade, T4T: All Trans Drag Show at Kremwerk, or a tarot comedy show. 

But keep at least one night open: The crown jewel of entertainment this weekend will undoubtedly be the Unstreamable screening of The Garbage Pail Kids Movie hosted by Jas Keimig and Chase Burns. You can catch the screening at Northwest Film Forum at 7 pm on Friday, Saturday, or Sunday.  

Fun for the introverts: I didn’t forget about you wistful bisexuals. Our queen the moon is up to something this weekend. I love when the moon DOES something or is considered special for one night. Feels like Pokémon. Gotta catch 'em all. Anyway, this one is called a “hunter’s moon,” and people used it to signal when they should hunt ahead of the long, cold winter. If you look to the east just after sunset on Saturday through Monday, the Seattle Times said you will likely get a glimpse.

Action alert! Fuck the Supreme Court. Join the Seattle chapter of Democratic Socialists of America to march to defend abortion rights. 

Nice start, Joe! The President made the big announcement yesterday that he will pardon thousands of Americans convicted of “simple possession” of marijuana under federal law. To be more precise, this pardon is estimated to impact about 6,500 incarcerated people, leaving out over 30,000 people, according to the Last Prisoner Project. Local advocates for releasing people with cannabis charges told KING 5 that Biden and other leaders still have a lot of work ahead of them. 

Read my fucking story: Um? Did you even know that major design review reforms will end once the Mayor decides to end the civil emergency order? And since the Governor announced he will lift the state emergency order at the end of the month, our Mayor could soon follow? And he hasn’t told the council (or more importantly ME) when he’s gonna do that? And when I called Council Member Dan Strauss stressed out about what the fuck he’s gonna do, he actually said he was down to extend these programs or at least propose similar pilots? And did you know that that’s sorta a big step because he used to just bow down to the allegedly dysfunctional task force assigned to tell him what to do about the ridiculously slow design review process?? You would know that if you read my story yesterday…

List of enemies: I would like to thank the Seattle Times for writing this list of enemies of the working class. It is a good resource if you ever get lost in your anger at upper middle-class people for owning a Jet Ski or something. Guilty. 

Speaking of blood-suckers: Jk that’s unfair to bats and they don’t all drink blood. But anyway, KIRO 7 reported that someone found a rabid bat near Alki Beach. How festive! While that bat died last month, its test results for rabies came back positive today. At least four people were exposed to the infected animal. If you think you might have come in contact with a rabid bat, please call Public Health at 206-296-4774 or go to the hospital right away. 

Apply for immigrant relief: Last year, the state legislature approved $340 million for direct cash assistance to undocumented immigrants struggling during the pandemic. The state faced staffing challenges and other obstacles that slowed down the process of getting money out the door. Now after months of delays, the immigrant relief fund is open for a third round of aid, Crosscut reported. 

Who won the breakup? The Seahawks gave up their former quarterback Russell Wilson for a package of three players and five draft picks. Wilson is an icon for Seattle football fans, but did the team make the right choice? According to Bob Condotta at the Seattle Times, recent loses for Wilson and his new team suggest that the tough decision may have been the correct one. 

Hocus Pocus 2: I love Hocus Pocus. It’s one of my all-time favorite movies. Not all-time favorite HALLOWEEN movies, one of my all-time favorite general movies. I even tried to write an unauthorized musical adaptation of it during my childhood-long musical theater phase. So, when I heard Disney filmed a sequel, I was horrified, but intrigued. Sequels are hard. Sequels of a highly nostalgic classic produced decades later by the same streaming service that makes Marvel series? Impossible. So I borrowed my friend's Disney+ account and watched. I’m no film critic, but I would say it was bad. It’s missing the charm and whimsy of the original. Honestly, during the movie, I forgot it was about Halloween, which seems like a bad sign for a sequel to the movie that defined the holiday in my childhood. I did like that the Sanderson sisters' main motivation was their grudge against the Mayor.

Taylor Swift nonsense: After an accurate tracklist leaked online of Taylor Swift’s upcoming album Midnights, Swift sped up her slow-burn rollout of the track titles. Initially, she revealed one title a few nights a week in pre-filmed TikToks at midnight EST. Yesterday, she released the remaining five TikToks, ending the series by revealing one song, "Snow on the Beach," will be a collaboration with Lana Del Rey. 

She also pissed off everyone who picked up the gay bat signals she has sent (whether intentional or not) throughout her career. Many fans speculated that the album promotion’s references to lavender signaled queerness because holy shit does that color have a gay connotation. And when she announced a track called “Lavender Haze,” many immediately flagged it as queer. Then, she posted an explainer video on Instagram that pointed to the song being inspired by her long-term boyfriend. She also said she and her boyfriend are subject to “weird rumors,” which some fans took as a jab at the growing popularity of online communities finding clues that she might not be straight. 

From the genius who brought us Touch Tank: