Microsoft, a local spreadsheet manufacturer and employer of Jennifer Aniston, has a problem: Theyâve named their game console so confusingly that everyoneâs buying the wrong one.
An updated version of the Xbox is coming out on November 10 with completely new components and new games and even a slightly revamped controller (they discovered a new button!!!)⌠in fact, everything about it seems new except the name. This is the fourth generation of Xbox, and rather than calling it oh I donât know Xbox 4, or Xboxxxx, theyâve put the word âSeriesâ in its name along with model identifiers that are exactly the same as the previous generationâs.
The new console's name is so similar to the previous generationâthe Xbox thatâs been out since 2013âthat this week the old version of the Xbox experienced a nearly 800% spike in sales on Amazon, presumably from people who thought they were buying the new one.
So. How can you tell Xboxes apart and make sure youâre buying the one you actually want? Well, grab a pen and paper.
Hereâs the short version: If you want the newest version of the Xbox, look for the word âSeriesâ in the name. Donât buy the one with the word âOneâ in the name. There you go. Simple! (Except not exactly that simple for reasons Iâll get to.)
Even that simple rule hints at Microsoftâs naming pranksterism. Why would the previous generation (the third Xbox) be called âOneâ? Why wasnât it called âthreeâ? Because Microsoft hoped that it would be the one device you use for all of your entertainment experiences. So they called the third generation "one."
So now weâve got the âXbox One,â not to be confused with the original Xbox, which was called just âXbox.â But wait, try not to use the word âoriginal,â either, because thereâs also an original version of the Xbox One: That's the version that came out at launch, which you canât get anymore, which was later followed by the Xbox One S (which was smaller) and the Xbox One X (which was bigger). So if you say âthe original Xbox,â people might think youâre talking about the first version of the third generation. Ack, as Cathy would say.
Adding to the confusion: Microsoftâs second generation was called the Xbox 360, because it came out around the same time as Playstation 3 and they didnât want to call it Xbox 2 and have a number that was lower than Sonyâs. (This would be kind of like if Sony saw that Nintendo was calling their new console N64, and were like, âOh yeah, well, this is the Playstation69.â)
Anyway, right now you can buy the Xbox One S, which is the smaller version of their third generation, and the Xbox One X, which is the big version. (Thereâs also the Xbox One S All-Digital Edition, which doesnât have an optical drive, so really there are three versions of the Xbox One.)
But you probably want to buy the fourth generation of Xbox, right? The new one? The one with the word âseriesâ in the name? Well, you canât just buy an Xbox Series, because there are two versions of that.
Thereâs the Xbox Series S, which is not to be confused with the Xbox One S, and also the Xbox Series X, not to be confused with the Xbox One X. And yes, the letter âXâ sounds a lot like the letter âS,â so when youâre talking about them out loud itâs hard to know which one somebody just referred to. Whew.
If youâre confused, youâre not alone: Not only are a lot of consumers buying the wrong console, but Microsoft themselves put out a press release referring to the Xbox One Series X, a console that does not exist.
here's Microsoft getting confused by Xbox One X and Xbox Series X pic.twitter.com/kGsdoSqlgG
â Tom Warren (@tomwarren) September 22, 2020
So, to be clear: If you want to buy a new Xbox, get a âSeries Sâ or a âSeries X.â Donât get a console with the word âOneâ in the name.
All of this confusion is a shame because the new generation actually does look quite good, and Microsoftâs Game Pass service is a surprisingly great deal: For ten bucks a month, you can get access to a ton of games to play without restrictions â basically Netflix for games with an excellent selection. Doom Eternal is coming to Game Pass soon, which I highly recommend; itâs wonderfully over-the-top and it feels like a super satisfying rhythm game once you really get into the shoot-stab-chainsaw groove.
But if you plan to play Doom Eternal, make sure youâre actually getting the right version. You wouldnât want to accidentally pick up The Ultimate Doom, which came out for Xbox Live Arcade; or Doom 3 BFG Edition which contains The Ultimate Doom; or Doom Classic Complete which came out for Playstation; or Final Doom, or Doom Classic, or Doom for OS/2, or⌠oh geez come on I just want to play some videogames.