The Seattle Kraken are SO hot right now. After a frustrating first season in 2021-22, the boys from the Puget Sound have burst from the depths of the NHL standings into first place in the Pacific Division, and are expected to earn their first playoff berth this year. Have they got their tentacles around you? Do you feel yourself being sucked in? Here’s what you need to know to join the squid squad.
Meet the Players
- Our golden boy, our first draft pick, our rookie goal leader, our former theater kid
- Apparently, the only one who can threaten Morgan Geekie in Mario Kart
- Was supposed to go to the All-Star Game this year but got hurt in late January by a questionable hit from Tyler Myers
- I can’t legally threaten Tyler Myers here, but should someone happen to cook fish in his home microwave I wouldn’t be sad
- Underappreciated on his old teams despite winning two Stanley Cups, he came here to be good at two things: smirking and scoring goals (and he’s nailing both)
- The eyebrows are pretty great too, honestly
- Daniel Sprong’s partner in mischief—catch them whispering during warm-ups
- Dresses like a tax accountant, so maybe that’s the job he really wants?
- Fourth-most goals by a Danish player in NHL history
- Streaky player but maybe getting hot
- Former Portland Winterhawk, but we’ll forgive him
tolvy has found his aesthetic and we’re here for it ☕️ pic.twitter.com/q5TjSyu2l4— Seattle Kraken (@SeattleKraken) January 29, 2023
- This man was drafted directly from a Wes Anderson movie and you can’t tell me otherwise
- It seems to be working out pretty well for us, though—he has eight goals in his first 15 games with the Kraken
- His name isn’t actually pronounced “Eel-y” but everyone posts eel gifs on Twitter when he scores
- Ryan Donato is sweet, talented, hardworking, and earnest, and if the Kraken don’t make Seattle his forever home I’m going to march right down there and give them what for.
- Dutch and raised in Canada but somehow seems like he’s from New Jersey idk idk
- Delightfully onomatopoeic last name means to “leap” or “pounce”
- Voted “most likely to be on the naughty list” by his teammates for reasons he refuses to tell but I demand to know
- TELL ME, DANIEL SPRONG
another media day another ghost sighting 👻👻👻 pic.twitter.com/My8Tdk6LZZ— Seattle Kraken (@SeattleKraken) September 21, 2022
- You’ve seen this guy. He’s the one with the ghost face.
- Wildly popular with the fans for his fast, physical play style and his excellent flow
- 31 but still gets the zoomies
- Once made out with his best friend Adam Lowry in a food delivery commercial
- Okay, maybe “made out” was overselling it a little. You still wanna watch.
- Is the best on the team at Mario Kart, or so he has loudly and repeatedly announced
- You can’t out pizza the hut, but his Pizza Hut gold card is evidence he sure has tried
- Easily won the “Hardest Shot” competition at the Kraken Skills Challenge even though he’s a skinny minnie because physics are weird
- Please tell him it’s not a good idea to buy a tank
(I asked known Adam Larsson liker and former mayoral candidate Andrew Grant Houston to write this section.)
- Better known as most-decorated-Canadian-Olympian Penny Oleksiak’s big brother
- Nicknamed Big Rig
- And I do mean big, our man is 6’7”
- Sometimes when players try to hit him, they just bounce, and that’s pretty funny
- Check out his beautiful tattoos
- NOT Marc-André Fleury
- Also not Haydn Fleury
- Apparently, there are a lot of Fleurys
- Very cute, very smol
- 6’3” and ostensibly 26 years old but I’d double-check his ID if I were you
- They let him take care of Matty Beniers for some reason?
- His teammates keep making fun of him for being bad at Mario Kart but that’s mean and they should cut it out
- He’s a good billboard
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- Known as “The Pastor” on Twitter
- I actually have no idea if he’s really a pastor or not but it fits somehow
- His corgi Cheddar has its own Instagram account
- When he walks in all in black with that big hat on whewwwww dang 🔥
- No social media. So MYSTERIOUS!
- Wears #17 in memory of his sister Mandi, who played hockey at Yale
- Literally helped save a teenager’s life by supporting bone marrow donation registries at Blues games
- I watch this goal like once a week
- Sweet face, no thoughts in head
- Most likely to be confused by the mini-mic question
- Also one of the most likely to score goals and assists and stuff so that’s cool
- Likes to start trouble and then skate away and let someone else finish it
- He’s really pretty.
- Tooth gap >> thigh gap
- 90% quietly competent, 10% SportsCenter-Top-Ten goals
- Likes Nickelback a little too much
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- Number one chaos gremlin
- 5’9” of curly hair and mischief
- You’ve never had as much fun as he does when he’s fighting
- Met his wife in middle school math class
- At home, he transforms into furniture-building Super Dad
- The doctor is in, baby
- In the penalty box, probably
- Still, he’s got seven assists this year
- Handsome. Knows it. Whatever, so do we.
- Signed to a one-year contract in the offseason to replace the suddenly injured Chris Driedger
- Was expected to be the backup but decided to have his best season in five years?
- Quiet. Private. North Vancouverian.
- Nicknamed “The German Gentleman” and it fits both his dress and his demeanor
- They’re not booing, they’re Gruuuuing
- Formerly a Rockies fan, he’s been converted and is now known to hang out in the Pen during Mariners games
- Wants to be a cowboy when he grows up
- He’s colorblind!
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- Injured tending goal for Canada in the 2022 World Championship finals like a gosh darn HERO
- Got bored while healing from that ACL tear and started a program to give kids free goalie gear
- Looks enough like Philipp Grubauer at first glance that I’m forever hoping for Parent Trap-style goalie shenanigans
- Always has the most 🔥🔥gear, including his new Kurt Cobain goalie mask
- The Kraken’s gender-ambiguous mascot who is both a literal and a figurative troll
- Why does their hair smell so good?
- Wanders the arena with a drum and an appetite for trouble
- Seriously, watch out for mischief
- Don’t look now but they’re probably right behind you
How to Get Kraken
Most Kraken games air on Root Sports, but if you’re able, hockey is really best experienced in person. The speed, the power, and the relentless pace are difficult to convey on television. Here’s your gameday guide to Climate Pledge Arena.
Before the game
- Every Kraken ticket comes with a free transit pass, accessed through the Kraken app, that’s valid two hours before and after the game. Parking is expensive and postgame traffic is gnarly. Walk, bike, or transit if you can.
- The Kraken host pregame activities in the Seattle Center Armory, including things like face painting, sign making, and photo ops. Food here is cheaper than in the arena, but the lines are much longer.
- If you get to the game early you can watch warmups next to the glass. The Kraken come out to warm up about a half hour before game time, but arrive 10-15 minutes earlier than that if you want to get a good spot.
During the Game
- The Kraken have a fun and elaborate preshow that you’ll want to be in your seat for, including beautiful video and an orchestral theme composed by Hans Zimmer himself.
- Like several other local sports teams, the Kraken invite you to stand for the anthem if you’re “willing and able.” It’s unlikely you’ll get any flak if you don’t. The important part is that you yell “RED GLARE!” along with that lyric, a team-specific ritual that references the Kraken logo’s glowing red eye.
- Not EVERYONE yells out player last names during goal announcements, a la Sounders games, but if it’s an ingrained habit you won’t be alone.
- Lots of people like to dress up like pirates or cephalopods. LOTS of them. It’s pretty cool, actually. If you’ve ever wanted to give tentacles or a tricorn a go, now’s your chance.
- There are tall nets at the goal ends and the glass is tall; you are almost certainly not going to be on the receiving end of a flying puck. But if you do, you get to keep it!
- If you’re a person who uses the men’s bathroom, well, plan ahead.
Food & Drink
- I’m going to be real: beer is expensive. Food is expensive. But the lines are fast and the variety is pretty good. I recommend the bacon pop rocks potato and the Impossible Nuggets; my verdict is still out on the peanut butter and jelly corndog.
- Check out the Space Needle Lounge for cocktails and shorter bathroom lines in an upscale SRO setting.
- Non-alcoholic options include refillable sodas downstairs and vending machines upstairs, plus the usual water, energy drinks, iced coffee, etc. in concession stand coolers. Athletic Brewing beer is available sporadically.
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After the Game
- When the Kraken win, which they do a lot lately, stick around after the game for the Yeeting of the Fish. The top players will skate out with plush salmon, inspired by Pike Place Market, and fling them into the crowd for lucky recipients to take home.
- Nearby bus arrival times are posted on the large screen facing the First Avenue North exits so you know whether you need to saunter or run.
- On the way home, check Twitter to find out who won the Davy Jones Hat.
- Did the Kraken get a shutout? Congratulations, you’re now morally obligated to eat a donut the next day. (It’s a burdensome duty, but I believe you can do it.)
Yeet. Sleep. Repeat. Go Kraken.