The Seattle Kraken are SO hot right now. After a frustrating first season in 2021-22, the boys from the Puget Sound have burst from the depths of the NHL standings into first place in the Pacific Division, and are expected to earn their first playoff berth this year. Have they got their tentacles around you? Do you feel yourself being sucked in? Hereâs what you need to know to join the squid squad.
Meet the Players
Matty Beniers
- Our golden boy, our first draft pick, our rookie goal leader, our former theater kid
- Apparently, the only one who can threaten Morgan Geekie in Mario Kart
- Was supposed to go to the All-Star Game this year but got hurt in late January by a questionable hit from Tyler Myers
- I canât legally threaten Tyler Myers here, but should someone happen to cook fish in his home microwave I wouldnât be sad
André Burakovsky
- Underappreciated on his old teams despite winning two Stanley Cups, he came here to be good at two things: smirking and scoring goals (and heâs nailing both)
- The eyebrows are pretty great too, honestly
- Daniel Sprongâs partner in mischiefâcatch them whispering during warm-ups
Oliver Bjorkstrand
- Dresses like a tax accountant, so maybe thatâs the job he really wants?
- Fourth-most goals by a Danish player in NHL history
- Streaky player but maybe getting hot
- Former Portland Winterhawk, but weâll forgive him
tolvy has found his aesthetic and weâre here for it âïž pic.twitter.com/q5TjSyu2l4
â Seattle Kraken (@SeattleKraken) January 29, 2023
Eeli Tolvanen
- This man was drafted directly from a Wes Anderson movie and you canât tell me otherwise
- It seems to be working out pretty well for us, thoughâhe has eight goals in his first 15 games with the Kraken
- His name isnât actually pronounced âEel-yâ but everyone posts eel gifs on Twitter when he scores
Ryan Donato
- Ryan Donato is sweet, talented, hardworking, and earnest, and if the Kraken donât make Seattle his forever home Iâm going to march right down there and give them what for.
Daniel Sprong
- Dutch and raised in Canada but somehow seems like heâs from New Jersey idk idk
- Delightfully onomatopoeic last name means to âleapâ or âpounceâ
- Voted âmost likely to be on the naughty listâ by his teammates for reasons he refuses to tell but I demand to know
- TELL ME, DANIEL SPRONG
another media day another ghost sighting đ»đ»đ» pic.twitter.com/My8Tdk6LZZ
â Seattle Kraken (@SeattleKraken) September 21, 2022
Brandon Tanev
- Youâve seen this guy. Heâs the one with the ghost face.
- Wildly popular with the fans for his fast, physical play style and his excellent flow
- 31 but still gets the zoomies
- Once made out with his best friend Adam Lowry in a food delivery commercial
- Okay, maybe âmade outâ was overselling it a little. You still wanna watch.
Morgan Geekie
- Is the best on the team at Mario Kart, or so he has loudly and repeatedly announced
- You canât out pizza the hut, but his Pizza Hut gold card is evidence he sure has tried
- Easily won the âHardest Shotâ competition at the Kraken Skills Challenge even though heâs a skinny minnie because physics are weird
- Please tell him itâs not a good idea to buy a tank
Adam Larsson
(I asked known Adam Larsson liker and former mayoral candidate Andrew Grant Houston to write this section.)
- đ„”
Jamie Oleksiak
- Better known as most-decorated-Canadian-Olympian Penny Oleksiakâs big brother
- Nicknamed Big Rig
- And I do mean big, our man is 6â7â
- Sometimes when players try to hit him, they just bounce, and thatâs pretty funny
- Check out his beautiful tattoosÂ
Cale Fleury
- NOT Marc-André Fleury
- Also not Haydn Fleury
- Apparently, there are a lot of FleurysÂ
- Very cute, very smolÂ
Will Borgen
- 6â3â and ostensibly 26 years old but Iâd double-check his ID if I were you
- They let him take care of Matty Beniers for some reason?
- His teammates keep making fun of him for being bad at Mario Kart but thatâs mean and they should cut it out
- Heâs a good billboard
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Jared McCann
- Known as âThe Pastorâ on Twitter
- I actually have no idea if heâs really a pastor or not but it fits somehow
- His corgi Cheddar has its own Instagram account
- When he walks in all in black with that big hat on whewwwww dang đ„
Jaden Schwartz
- No social media. So MYSTERIOUS!Â
- Wears #17 in memory of his sister Mandi, who played hockey at Yale
- Literally helped save a teenagerâs life by supporting bone marrow donation registries at Blues games
- I watch this goal like once a weekÂ
Vince Dunn
- Sweet face, no thoughts in head
- Most likely to be confused by the mini-mic question
- Also one of the most likely to score goals and assists and stuff so thatâs cool
- Likes to start trouble and then skate away and let someone else finish it
Alex Wennberg
- Heâs really pretty.
Jordan Eberle
- Tooth gap >> thigh gap
- 90% quietly competent, 10% SportsCenter-Top-Ten goals
- Likes Nickelback a little too much
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Yanni Gourde
- Number one chaos gremlinÂ
- 5â9â of curly hair and mischief
- Youâve never had as much fun as he does when heâs fighting
- Met his wife in middle school math class
- At home, he transforms into furniture-building Super Dad
Carson Soucy
- The doctor is in, baby
- In the penalty box, probably
- Still, heâs got seven assists this year
- Handsome. Knows it. Whatever, so do we.
Martin Jones
- Signed to a one-year contract in the offseason to replace the suddenly injured Chris Driedger
- Was expected to be the backup but decided to have his best season in five years?
- Quiet. Private. North Vancouverian.
Philipp Grubauer
- Nicknamed âThe German Gentlemanâ and it fits both his dress and his demeanor
- Theyâre not booing, theyâre Gruuuuing
- Formerly a Rockies fan, heâs been converted and is now known to hang out in the Pen during Mariners games
- Wants to be a cowboy when he grows up
- Heâs colorblind!
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Chris Driedger
- Injured tending goal for Canada in the 2022 World Championship finals like a gosh darn HERO
- Got bored while healing from that ACL tear and started a program to give kids free goalie gear
- Looks enough like Philipp Grubauer at first glance that Iâm forever hoping for Parent Trap-style goalie shenanigans
- Always has the most đ„đ„gear, including his new Kurt Cobain goalie mask
Buoy
- The Krakenâs gender-ambiguous mascot who is both a literal and a figurative troll
- Why does their hair smell so good?
- Wanders the arena with a drum and an appetite for trouble
- Seriously, watch out for mischief
- Donât look now but theyâre probably right behind you
How to Get Kraken
Most Kraken games air on Root Sports, but if youâre able, hockey is really best experienced in person. The speed, the power, and the relentless pace are difficult to convey on television. Hereâs your gameday guide to Climate Pledge Arena.
Before the game
- Every Kraken ticket comes with a free transit pass, accessed through the Kraken app, thatâs valid two hours before and after the game. Parking is expensive and postgame traffic is gnarly. Walk, bike, or transit if you can.
- The Kraken host pregame activities in the Seattle Center Armory, including things like face painting, sign making, and photo ops. Food here is cheaper than in the arena, but the lines are much longer.
- If you get to the game early you can watch warmups next to the glass. The Kraken come out to warm up about a half hour before game time, but arrive 10-15 minutes earlier than that if you want to get a good spot.
During the Game
- The Kraken have a fun and elaborate preshow that youâll want to be in your seat for, including beautiful video and an orchestral theme composed by Hans Zimmer himself.
- Like several other local sports teams, the Kraken invite you to stand for the anthem if youâre âwilling and able.â Itâs unlikely youâll get any flak if you donât. The important part is that you yell âRED GLARE!â along with that lyric, a team-specific ritual that references the Kraken logoâs glowing red eye.Â
- Not EVERYONE yells out player last names during goal announcements, a la Sounders games, but if itâs an ingrained habit you wonât be alone.
- Lots of people like to dress up like pirates or cephalopods. LOTS of them. Itâs pretty cool, actually. If youâve ever wanted to give tentacles or a tricorn a go, nowâs your chance.
- There are tall nets at the goal ends and the glass is tall; you are almost certainly not going to be on the receiving end of a flying puck. But if you do, you get to keep it!
- If youâre a person who uses the menâs bathroom, well, plan ahead.
Food & Drink
- Iâm going to be real: beer is expensive. Food is expensive. But the lines are fast and the variety is pretty good. I recommend the bacon pop rocks potato and the Impossible Nuggets; my verdict is still out on the peanut butter and jelly corndog.Â
- Check out the Space Needle Lounge for cocktails and shorter bathroom lines in an upscale SRO setting.
- Non-alcoholic options include refillable sodas downstairs and vending machines upstairs, plus the usual water, energy drinks, iced coffee, etc. in concession stand coolers. Athletic Brewing beer is available sporadically.
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After the Game
- When the Kraken win, which they do a lot lately, stick around after the game for the Yeeting of the Fish. The top players will skate out with plush salmon, inspired by Pike Place Market, and fling them into the crowd for lucky recipients to take home.
- Nearby bus arrival times are posted on the large screen facing the First Avenue North exits so you know whether you need to saunter or run.
- On the way home, check Twitter to find out who won the Davy Jones Hat.
- Did the Kraken get a shutout? Congratulations, youâre now morally obligated to eat a donut the next day. (Itâs a burdensome duty, but I believe you can do it.)
Yeet. Sleep. Repeat. Go Kraken.