I'm so tired. I stayed up until 2:00 in the goddamn morning and for what? For the US Women's National Team to fall apart against first-time World Cup entrant Portugal? For forward Alex Morgan to dribble into the goalie like five different times? For our midfield to forget their whole job of controlling the middle? For me to start rooting for Portugal so they could put me and everyone who'd believed the lie that this USWNT could win a third consecutive World Cup out of our misery? I don't even know anymore. I'm writing this in a sleep-deprived, disappointment-clouded fog. 

The USWNT tied Portugal 0-0 and will advance to the Round of 16 where they will face off against their arch women's soccer nemesis, Sweden. So, obviously, this isn't the worst result, but the game... Man, the game was just bad soccer. I felt like I was a senior in high school watching game tape in Coach Scheppele's A.P. European History classroom trying desperately to stop our losing streak. (Spoiler alert: We still lost every game that season.)

Just like that last high school soccer season, watching the USWNT last night filled me with hopelessness. What's even worse is the USWNT wasn't supposed to be bad. The expectations for this game far exceeded the reality.  

Going into this morning's match—and by morning I mean fucking midnight—the USWNT needed to win or draw against Portugal to advance out of the group to the knockout round. The data coming into the match indicated the USWNT could beat Portugal. They'd lost to the Netherlands 2-1. The USWNT tied Netherlands 1-1. Portugal beat Vietnam 2-0. We'd beat them 3-0. That slight edge—plus all of the nationalistic delusion—made me assume this would be a decisive victory for the USWNT. I was so young back then. 

But, there was reason for hope! OL Reign's Rose Lavelle joined the starting lineup for the first time this tournament. So did Gotham FC's Lynn Williams, filling in for Trinity Rodman up top at forward. Lavelle was a playmaker in the second half of the Netherlands game (as well as 2019's World Cup). Rodman didn't make much happen in the Netherlands game, so maybe Williams could. 

My roommate and I went over to our neighbor's house in our pajamas to watch, padding across the midnight-quiet street in slippers. As the game started, things didn't seem so bad. The USWNT was pounding Portugal's net. Portugal's coach was hot. What could go wrong? 

Then, the USWNT kept losing possession. And Portgual's hot coach opened his mouth, revealing fangs Dracula would envy. Portugal made runs into the USWNT's box. This was bad. 

As the game wore on, it got messier, sloppier. The USWNT couldn't keep possession. Bad first touches, Portugal players closing in fast. Turnover after turnover. To compensate, our players started getting chippier—diving into tackles, going for ankles instead of the ball, fouling without thinking. Lavelle sort of tripped into a tackle and fouled a Portugal player. The ref gave Lavelle a yellow, her second of the tournament. She wouldn't be able to play in the at-the-time-hypothetical next game. 

Things didn't look up after halftime. The second half started with the stadium blaring an ominous fire alarm. As the USWNT stumbled, the alarm droned in the background. It was apparently a false alarm. The quality of the US's play on the field, was, unfortunately very real. 

The strategy of feeding the ball up the left wing to forward Sophia Smith kept not working and the USWNT kept trying it. Close-marked by a stacked back line, Smith was stifled. She lost the ball after her second touch every time she gained possession. Williams sat open and unused on the right wing. 

Our offensive strategy lacked momentum. Multiple drives to the net were cut short when players decided to cut, pass backward, and wait for strategic miracles instead of being bolder on the ball.

Megan Rapinoe subbed in for Smith. The majority of her passes sailed toward the opposite team. I wondered why Coach Vlatko Andonovski would sub Rapinoe in after her lackluster performance against Vietnam. Then Rapinoe dished Morgan a few stellar balls, providing more of an offensive opportunity than Morgan had had the whole game. Morgan didn't score, but I realized what Rapinoe provided: She and Morgan have history together. They know how to play off of each other successfully. Or, they did at some point in the past. Maybe Rapinoe's addition was a last-ditch effort for chemistry, something this team clearly lacks. 

The game ended in a slew of yellow cards, heart-stopping Portugal attacks, and USWNT mistakes. In stoppage time, Portugal's Ana Capeta broke through the USWNT defense and fired a shot past keeper Alyssa Naeher's fingertips. It, thankfully, clanged off of the goal's right post.

The game ended not in a bang, but a 0-0 whimper. The team will face Sweden at 2:00 am this Sunday. I anticipate that will be a tough game to watch mostly because I don't believe in this team anymore. The ungodly hour also doesn't help.

The thing about bad soccer is you can't fix it by hoping. This team is clearly disjointed and disconnected. It's not an issue of desire. If performance boiled down to wanting it more, then my high school soccer coach wouldn't have boarded our yellow school bus after an away game crying, saying she didn't know what else to do. I don't think Andonovski knows what else to do, either.

According to the Athletic, since the women's World Cup began in 1991, "the USWNT has never finished lower than third place in a World Cup." There's a first time for everything, I guess. I don't want to think much about the USWNT losing in the Round of 16. This team has a lot riding on it. The momentum around women's sports in the US and the world have been closely related to the team's successes. I can't imagine the pressure or the scrutiny. Or how chirpy the misogynists will be on Twitter in the event of failure.

Sweden finished at the top of their group, though. And the USWNT will not be able to play Lavelle with her two yellow cards. It doesn't look good.

Defender Kelley O'Hara gave a sobering interview in the post-game. She sees this game as a victory regardless of how the game went. The USWNT advanced. It wasn't pretty, but they're onto the next stage. They'll take the next challenge head-on and see what happens:

I'm prepared to eat crow if the USWNT doesn't blow chunks during the Sweden game. I'll be rooting for them, foolishly awaiting the greatness we were promised despite all I've written here and all the evidence to the contrary. For now, I'm going to bed.