Velvet Swing weed lube doesn’t smell or taste like weed.

I had never really noticed the phallic nature of a budding pot plant, its engorged flowers pulsating toward the sky, until a recent Friday night at Vela pot shop. I was looking at a small indoor grow while listening to Mistress Matisse say that weed was helping her accomplish her life mission of giving people more orgasms.

"I kind of regard that as my purpose in life—to make people have more orgasms. And now they get to have them even when I'm not in the room," said Matisse, a professional dominatrix, former Stranger columnist, and the creator of Velvet Swing cannabis lube.

Vela, a pot shop in Sodo that looks more like an Apple store, had chairs along a hallway with windows onto a room full of growing pot plants, their buds constantly fidgeting from an artificial wind.

There were about 20 people present for a talk on sex and cannabis. I asked one woman why she thought so few men showed up; I was one of only three. She told me, "Because men already love sex; it's just easier for you guys," and walked away.

The evening started with Chelsea Cebara, Matisse's business partner, talking about how different pot strains can be better or worse for sex. Cebara said you want a strain that maintains mental acuity (represented by her emphatically waving her hands in front of her face) but also some sedating effects (demonstrated by rapidly bending her knees). She added, "What makes you horny might not work for your partner."

Cebara said weed-infused products like Velvet Swing are made specifically for sexual encounters. There are also oil-based weed lubes like Bond and Muse (which aren't condom-safe) and the silicone-based O. Certain products also retain some of the natural smell of pot, so you may, in Cebara's words, end up with "weed pussy."

Velvet Swing is different from those products. It's the only water-based weed lube on the market, which means it's condom-safe. And thanks to a proprietary recipe (which probably involves a process called ultrasonic emulsification), Velvet Swing has essentially no weed smell or taste.

Cebara said not to expect to get stoned unless the lube is used anally or a lot of it is ingested orally—like one product tester did while giving "one motherfucker of a blowjob."

Penises, vaginas, and the rest of our skin just don't absorb pot in the way that makes you stoned. Instead it creates a "natural tingling feeling" and, for women, the possibility of an increase in "the length, strength, and duration of orgasms" and "the likelihood of having multiple orgasms."

Cebara said the science behind understanding how cannabis can help women get more enjoyment from sex isn't well understood, thanks in large part to the Feds making it incredibly difficult to study pot.

Matisse attributed the lube's benefits to helping women relax the defenses they put up around their sexual organs. "We often walk around holding tension in this part of our body, like 'Hey, don't mess with me here unless I want you to,' and it's kind of hard to just drop that when it's time to go to bed with your partner," Matisse said.

As the crowd dispersed, a few people gathered around the various weed lubes in Vela's display cases. I asked another woman, Masha Brown, if she had tried any of the weed-infused lubes. Brown, who works for the Evergreen Market chain of dispensaries, said she had tried all of them and enjoyed Bond and O the most. In her opinion, Velvet Swing looked too much like vaginal discharge to be a turn-on and didn't have much of an effect for her. She added that she thinks pot is definitely beneficial for women in the bedroom: "I think it's a magical plant in so many ways, and definitely in the bedroom, just to release that stress and not feel so in your head."

Those fidgeting buds I had been staring at earlier are enlarged because they are sexually frustrated female plants hungry for male pollen. While the science is still out, it makes a natural kind of sense that a horny female plant would be a place to look for a sexual enhancer for women. Yes!